furry! —w— (version 1)

I like fur! it’s really pleasant to the touch.
2024-11-12
- if I could, I would hug out all the cats in the world. unfortunately I’m allergic to cats, but at least I can imagine the enjoyment.
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  - actually, I do hug my parents’ cats somewhat regularly when I visit them. it’s just that I get a rash 5 minutes after hugging them to my face
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- honestly, it makes me think life would be a lot more pleasant if at least some of us had fur irl. so why don’t we?
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  - biology, evolution, and all that boring stuff of course…
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  - thankfully on the Internet, anything goes. I can imagine. I can create. I can be whatever I want to be.
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this dance is like a weapon of self-defense against the present tense
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- realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for some time.
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  - overcoming fear of the unknown isn’t exactly the most easy or pleasant mental exercise.
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- but being able to imagine I’m a humanoid cat lets me not worry about actual deficiencies of my body.
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  - I was born with atopic dermatitis, and my skin has always been a source of problems.
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    in early childhood I’d get horrible rashes, sometimes so painful and graphic I do not want to describe them here.
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    especially before doctors recommended me good emollients to moisturise my skin with. my atopic dermatitis manifests itself as intense itching and skin dryness; moisturising is important in making it bearable
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    some kids would ask me “what happened to you?” out of curiosity. I’d respond “nothing, it’s just my illness.”
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    nowadays I take experimental meds which lower the symptoms to a manageable level. I actually started liking how I look after I started undergoing treatment. probably because my skin isn’t inflamed all the damn time, so I can shift my focus from my face feeling red hot to actually appreciating how it looks.
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I view being a furry not as a rejection of my body, but rather as an augmentation of it.
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- this is more or less why my fursona is so mundane. it’s just me with cat features —w—
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  - I have an anime human-looking face rather than a snout. I think it’s cuter that way :3
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    technically anime-style faces do resemble snouts slightly; they’re just very short. (how fitting for a cat.)
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- there are lots of cool things about the human body. the motor skill of your hands is kind of insane. unless you have some disability of course.
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  - but the customisation options are just so boooring! everybody looks pretty much the same.
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    you get to customise your shape and color of your hair, but not the size and placement of your ears, or the level and color of your floof?
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    human floof so ugly and coarse —w—
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    and you don’t even get a cute tail that constantly gets caught on closing doors OW FUCK
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    all the other animals have those, so why not us?
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    like I know they’re not practical from a hunter-gatherer sort of standpoint, but we live in a society.
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I’ll admit my first conscious exposure to furries was not the most normal thing in the world.
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- we were playing Geometry Dash with a friend at school, and we encountered a level that had some furry porn in it
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  - I was a pretty non-assertive kid at the time, so I conformed to his reactions (basically disgust.)
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    except… later I thought about it, and the more I let the idea of a furry sink in, the more I liked it. yet the more I thought about that thing (ugh) we encountered, the more I hated myself for thinking furries were cool.
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    that’s probably what led to me being anti-furry for a good while.
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so wanting to be a furry built up in me for 5–6 years. (it started around 2017–2018)
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- the tipping point was after I played Deltarune and really liked Ralsei. “is it wrong to like a furry character from a game?”
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  - still my favourite fluffy kindboy —w—
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- a few months later… I stumbled upon this blog post from soatok and it made me realise just how fucking deep I was in my anti-furry Mariana trench.
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  - why of course furries are not harmful you dumbass! what even made you think that?
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  - maybe it’s time to swim out of there before the pressure crushes you?
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soon enough I thought, “hehehehe *mydli* *mydli* let’s have some fun with my online identity!”

I started this website.
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- at first I didn’t mention anything about being a furry. I started using Ralsei as my online avatar and persona, because he’s a pretty aesthetically pleasing character. not wanting to steal other people’s art, I also started drawing around that time.
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- a few months later, I slowly started crawling out of my shell and hittin’ truth. I added a little branch to the treehouse mildly suggesting I was a furry to people who were curious enough to click around, and finally, over a year later, in September this year I came out with a fursona.
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  - as of writing this I’m still not displaying it very proudly on my website (my drawing skills are a constant work in progress!) but having it as my profile pic everywhere puts me at ease. —w—
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I feel a lot more comfortable saying this now:
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- I am a furry, and I’m proud of it!
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  - I am doing
    no harm
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© riki moe / リキ萌

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